


Fair Warning

by DameRuth



Series: Bliss [13]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Humor, Multi, too much of a good thing, unexpected aphrodisiacs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:26:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24510775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DameRuth/pseuds/DameRuth
Summary: A Bliss!verse smutfic, sort of, though without the smut, if that makes sense.  The Doctorknewthere was something he should have remembered about a certain type of fruit juice.[Continuing the Teaspoon imports, original posting date 2007.09.13.]
Relationships: Ninth Doctor/Jack Harkness/Rose Tyler
Series: Bliss [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/14078
Kudos: 16





	Fair Warning

**Author's Note:**

> This is what happens with a plotbunny strikes, and I have a few spare moments at the computer (and since I didn't have my "Three Dances" notes, I could write on something else with a clear conscience).
> 
> I'd been considering these prompts of Kalleah's, from her LJ page:
> 
> _*The Doctor and Viagra -- they're pretty little blue pills after all, and he's fond of edible ball bearings._
> 
> _*Binary vascular system = no refractory period. May be lumped in with "superhuman endurance," wherein at least one party starts out desperately trying to hold on for a few more seconds, yet somehow manages to make it for another two thousand words._
> 
> and musing on the disaster potential of putting them together. Once I had the idea of the Doc inadvertantly getting dosed with something, via platypus' story, "A Very Hospitable Species," along came this Bliss!verse snippet.
> 
> FWIW, I don't think my aversion to writing graphic smut is necessarily a liability here -- I think the audience will have a much more entertaining time imagining the turn of events on their own . . . and it would probably be funnier (and sexier) than anything I could write, anyway. :D<

Rose reached up to pluck the flower -- like an orchid, but with a golden glow-in-the-dark quality the Doctor called "third-order bioluminesence" -- from behind her ear, intending to go find some water for it now they were back in the TARDIS.  
  
"Dunno," she said thoughtfully to Jack, who was similarly adorned with a blue flower (the Doctor had declined a flower of his own, no matter how hard they'd urged him to take one). "I liked the way they did the decorations. D'you think we should have something like that for our wedding?"  
  
"That depends on where we finally have it. Some cultures approve of flowers, but the others think they're too blatant a sexual symbol," Jack replied absently, intent on managing his side of the control panel during dematerialization.  
  
Rose laughed, twirling the flower stem between thumb and forefinger, to make the petals glow more brightly. "Yeah, I can see that -- severed reproductive organs in vases, how much more obvious can you get?"  
  
She shook her head. Once the Doctor had pointed out to her what flowers really _were_ in the grand scheme of things, she'd gotten a whole new perspective on floral arrangments in general.  
  
"All the same, though," she continued, "that was a nice ceremony. Really sweet of them to just welcome us in off the street, too."  
  
"Weddings tend to be like that," Jack said, closing down his portion of the control panel, task completed. "A little alcohol, a reason to be happy and have a party -- it makes people generous. Good way to get a free meal now and then . . ." He caught sight of Rose's arched eyebrow and broke off, raising his hands defensively.  
  
"Sorry, old habits die hard. But I notice the Doc didn't exactly turn down the invitation either . . ." Grinning, Jack turned to face the third member of their crew -- and paused, his expression going serious in a heartbeat. "Doc?"  
  
Rose, catching the altered tenor of Jack's voice and emotions, moved so she could see the Doctor around the Time Rotor. She could immediately understand the cause of Jack's concern.  
  
The Doctor was just standing there, hands resting on the edge of the control panel, staring off into the distance with a glazed, unfocused look. His eyebrows were drawn into a partial frown, and his lips were slightly parted. He seemed to be listening to something deep inside himself, and not liking what he heard.  
  
"Doctor?" Rose asked, starting around the control column towards him, followed closely by Jack. "Are you all right?" She was getting nothing at all from him through the link, which meant he was deliberately blocking off his emotions.  
  
The Doctor held still a moment more, then blinked and looked at his worried human companions. His eyes were still a little vague, but at least he was responding.  
  
"Where were we, again, just now?" he asked, in a tone of voice that filled Rose with foreboding.  
  
"Sakkoran," Jack replied immediately.  
  
"And what were we drinking?"  
  
Jack exchanged a worried look with Rose. "Wine mixed with some kind of fruit juice, I thought. Kinda guava-ish . . ."  
  
"Fruit juice," the Doctor repeated, in the flat tones of someone proclaiming doom. Then he groaned and closed his eyes, leaning forward more heavily on the control panel. "I _thought_ there was something I should remember about Sakkoran and fruit juice."  
  
"What?" Rose asked, now thoroughly alarmed. "It's not something poisonous, is it?"  
  
"For you two -- it's nothing at all. Just fruit juice. For me . . ." the Doctor trailed off and swallowed, hard. "And it's been at least half an hour, s' already in my system," he murmured, as if to himself. "Couldn't try to throw it up now, or anything." He wavered slightly where he stood.  
  
Rose and Jack were on either side of him instantly, offering support, but, uncharacteristically, he shook them off, and stepped backwards, towards the exit into the rest of the TARDIS.  
  
"I think I might just take off for a while," he said, with a ghastly attempt at a casual smile, "go check up on the current corridor configuration, something like that . . ."  
  
The Doctor took another step backwards towards the exit.  
  
"Why?" Jack asked, radiating concern and frustration.  
  
"Yeah, what's it gonna do to you?" Rose asked, equally frustrated. "Y' gonna blow up, or turn into a werewolf or something?"  
  
"Something like that, yeah . . ." the Doctor said, starting to turn away, but Rose and Jack moved to cut him off.  
  
In the face of their obvious shared determination, the Doctor made an obvious split-second decision.  
  
"Sakkoran fruit juice acts as an aphrodisiac on Time Lords," he said, in a sudden rush, "so if you'll _just_ excuse me . . ." He tried to push between Jack and Rose, in a last bid for freedom.  
  
"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Jack said, catching him. "An aphrodisiac? That's _it_?"  
  
"That's _plenty_ ," the Doctor said, a trifle huffily. "An' any second now it's gonna hit me like a ton of bricks, so if you don't want me to take it out on you, you'd better let me past . . ."  
  
Jack, however, was beginning to grin, "I dunno, Doc. Wouldn't you like a little company to go with that aphrodisiac? I mean, what exactly have we been doing together the last few months?"  
  
The Doctor groaned and closed his eyes again. "Y' don't understand," he said, enunciating very carefully in his _I'm talking to clueless apes_ voice, "I've been restraining myself, while we get to know each other. You really haven't seen . . ." He trailed off, and opened his eyes again to glower at Jack, obviously calculating his chances of making a break for it.  
  
Rose, somewhat more cautious by nature, asked, "You wouldn't get . . . violent, would you? Wouldn't hurt us?" She was trying to understand the Doctor's reluctance, and that was the only scenario she could think of that would cause this kind of reaction in him.  
  
The Doctor's brows arched with horrified surprise. "Never! It's just . . . I'll be goin' for hours."  
  
"You say that like it's a _bad_ thing," Jack purred, moving a little closer.  
  
The Doctor eyed him with a typically sardonic expression . . .but Rose noticed a fine sheen of sweat breaking out on the Time Lord's forehead and upper lip. The Doctor, with his lower core body temperature, never sweated -- not without an extremely good cause.  
  
"You're lookin' at two hearts and no refractory period," he said, bluntly. "Think about it, Captain."  
  
"Oh, I am . . ." Jack said, still purring, voice dropping registers. "Sounds just about perfect to me." He glanced over at Rose, with a sly grin. "How about you? Think we can handle him?"  
  
Rose felt an answering grin tugging the corners of her mouth upwards, and she looked at the Doctor consideringly. He met her eyes and swallowed, and she could see in his face that yes, he really _would_ like a little company. Or a lot of company, as the case might be.  
  
"Oh, yeah, I think we can," she said, cocking her head and pursing her lips as if thinking. "If we have to, we can tag-team it."  
  
She was looking right at the Doctor as she spoke, so she saw the aphrodisiac take full effect: something about his expression changed, and the pupils of his eyes just . . . _jumped_ , widening in a heartbeat and leaving only a thin ring of blue visible.  
  
He exhaled in a long hiss, and there was absolutely no reluctance left in him.  
  
"Right," the Doctor growled, though he didn't sound particularly angry. Hungry, more like it. "On your heads be it."  
  
Without giving Jack time to make any kind of obligatory raunchy joke in response, the Doctor reached out and grabbed both of them by the upper arm and spun them around in a single, easy movement, so they were facing the exit. Before either startled human could say a word, the Doctor'd released them, and planted his hands between their shoulderblades, propelling them forward, and leaving no doubt about his intent.  
  
As they headed down the corridor towards the bedroom that had once been Jack's, but now belonged to everyone, Rose managed a quick glance over her shoulder and saw the Doctor was already skinning out of his leather coat.  
  
\---  
  
The next morning, the Doctor was in a fine mood. He felt wonderful No, he felt fantastic. No -- _beyond_ fantastic, if there was even a term for that.  
  
Energized, he swept through the TARDIS in a whirlwind of activity. Before breakfast he'd already managed to run the day's full diagnostics, recalibrate the starboard sensor array, and finally shift that stack of chairs from the top hallway closet (where they were just taking up space) down to one of the lesser-used mid-level storage areas.  
  
Following a hearty breakfast, he'd gone back, recalibrated the port sensors, polished the viewscreen and readout panels, checked to see that all the control room access rondels were properly tightened down, and decided he was still a little peckish.  
  
So, back to the galley for a second breakfast, and as he was cleaning up, he realized he _still_ hadn't seen either of the humans up and about yet. Probably time to check on them.  
  
When he poked his head into the still-darkened bedroom, there were no signs of life whatsoever -- though the link told him that the tight, rather defensive little bundle of blankets on the far side of the bed represented Rose and Jack curled up together with the coverlet pulled over their heads.  
  
"What," he called out cheerfully to them, "you two gonna stay in bed all day?"  
  
Only superior Time Lord reflexes allowed him to duck the pillow thrown with surprising force and accuracy by Rose.  
  
_"YES,_ " came the uninimous verbal and empathic response, carrying a strong undercurrent of ( _go away!_ ).  
  
"Oh, come on," he said, grinning maniacally, well aware he was rubbing it in, and feeling no sympathy whatsoever. "It's a fantastic day! You should get up, we can go adventuring, see the sights, do a little running . . ."  
  
That earned him an interesting sound, made up of one male and one female voice snarling in unison.  
  
"I don't care what kind of day it is," Rose responded, muffled by the comforter, "I'm not going _anywhere_."  
  
"And I'm not even up to _walking_ ," Jack added, "t'hell with running."  
  
"Tch. Well, you can't say I didn't warn you . . ." the Doctor began, and saw Jack's arm snake out from under the covers, questing blindly for another pillow.  
  
The Doctor just barely got the door closed as a second pillow struck with a _fwoompfh!_ where his head had been a second before.  
  
Chuckling to himself, he began wandering back along the corridor, wondering what to do next with all this wonderful energy. He brightened as an idea hit.  
  
This _might_ just be the day to finally alphabetize the Library.  
  
Whistling a cheery Sakkorani tune, he headed off to do just that.

* * *

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.  
  
This story archived at <http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?sid=15416>


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